Dining with the Dead

Release the demons in me
Send them to the pigs
Restore my heart to what it used to be
Free it from the prison of wickedness and unbelief
Find me instead submitted in my weakness at the table laden with goblets of enemy blood
     and bowls of bleeding hearts, dining motionless in the dark
The table is placed in the middle of a grave filled with corpses
     of rotten desires and meaningless words
Dead truths root and tie together amongst stones of rage and lies
Time disappears through me along paths that lead to nowhere
My cup overflows and fills my lungs with faux oxygen
Fear presents itself as the honored guest, and death hosts the gathering
They’re all I have to guide me and what I’ve eaten is what’s made of me
I cannot see
Depression crept in and stole my vision and suddenly I cannot see
I can feel, however
I can feel hopelessness cry her tears on my cheeks
This isn’t a dream, it’s clearer than reality
I cannot scream, but they’re coming closer to me
Dining with the dead
My arms and legs are bound, a slave to my own imprisonment now
Arrogance and hate, conceived by rage of pride, tear into my soul which is the feast, the main course on the table
Lies, filthy lies tell me everything is going to be okay
Who am I that He would love me, they scream, and who am I that He would remember me?
Who am I that He would allow me to live again?
Who am I that I would beg for His forgiveness and mercy?
Clutching a handful of veins, as many as you can see, traveling deep, traveling far,
     every one of them lead to different paths, separate chambers of my heart
Vessels that carry lust instead of love and desire to produce only poisonous blood
My skin is red from my own battle of self-infliction
Parallel strokes birthed from bent and crooked wisdom
There is nothing left to give and the table is now empty
~~~~
It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.
Ephesians