Dear Self

Dear I, Me, Self

The pleasantries you would normally find that begin any letter I’ve sent you thus far have been erased for this last one that you’re reading now.  Yes, this is the final letter you will receive from me.  I have a feeling in my gut that you know what this note is about.  I will tell you that I am crying tears of joy as I write, and perhaps you can sense the anger and hatred I feel as well in these words.  I’m just going to come right out with it.

I’m writing to inform you that I want a divorce.  I wish I could tell you this personally.  I’ve dialed your line more times than I can count, wishing to speak with you and perhaps set up a time and place of meeting to discuss a few pressing things.  However, after numerous voicemails without so much as a return of communication from you, I’ve finally given up.  Maybe you’ve been occupied or perhaps you might have been avoiding such news that I’m sure you could sense was imminent.  So rather than continuing to call your name and making a fool of myself, I’ve written this letter, resting assured you will receive it.  Surely you won’t hesitate to open an envelope from your most prominent lover.  However, these words I’m writing describe far less than love and adoration.

We’ve been inseparable all my life, but this counterfeit relationship hasn’t gone anywhere except in circles.  I’ve judged you wrongly, and before I could see your true colors, it was too late.  The moment I accepted your invitation of supposed unfailing love has finally failed me.  Is this what broken hearts are made of?  I’m sure it is.  I suppose you’ve loved us well enough, but why do I still feel an empty void inside?  I’ve always imagined an intimacy that feels more than what I already know, which is thus far fickle and unpromising.  You guaranteed a love that would take me soaring higher than I could imagine, yet I’ve never so much as left this hard, unforgiving ground.  I remember the gifts you bought me that glinted in the spotlight of your pride and caught the awareness of passersby.  I obsessed over your admiration as we passed every reflection and relished in the praise of those who saw.  You were constantly angling a spotlight towards me, overwhelming me with an egotistical pride that I never even imagined would be this hard to become free of.
Your selfish and twisted lies have ruined my mind and left my heart bankrupt of love.  I can see now why revealing yourself in the beginning as the wicked god you really are would not have allowed me to take your hand on this collapsed adventure.  You are a thirsty mortal with an uncontrollable lust after your own foolish desires.  There’s no going back to fix this mess now.  What’s done is done. But you cannot have my future.  I won’t allow your filthy hands to control the times ahead, dirtying them with your own human wisdom.

I’ve since torn down my kingdom in search of a greater and more worthwhile one.  And, although this might sound ludicrous, I think the Prince of the kingdom I was hunting for has found me instead.  He’s shown me great things far more superior than what I know.  He hasn’t judged me for what I’ve done.  In fact, He claims to have created my very being, knitting me together in secret from the ground I walk on!  How unworthy I am to even sit in His presence!  He whispers how much he truly loves me, but not so much a loud selfish love like yours.  He explained how He’s laid down His life a long time ago for me.  A Killer had once gripped my life with the hand of death, promising to drag me down into the world of demise.  A curious idea, because that’s how I felt during this love affair with you: dead and worthless.
The Prince promised me real love, the right love, and an abundant life with Him that would never end because He now has the keys to death.  I cannot explain the joy I feel ever since accepting His hand that led to a life I never knew I could experience.  The Prince has rejoiced with me through the brightest moments of life, as well as carried me during the darkest troubles.  I’ve never felt so secure and safe in your arms as I am in His.  I am finally satisfied, and will never return for your worship, but instead stay here in His embrace so I can worship Him.  Although He’s Lord over everything, He still wants to spend time with me and hear my voice.  I’m blown away by His everlasting love.

I must conclude this letter now.  I’ve said what I wanted to say and there’s nothing else left.  The Prince has given me a purpose, a reason to continue on in a brand new life.  He’s also told me His name, as well as a message for you personally: “I am God and there can be no others.”

Sincerely now His,

A Child of God Most High