If I Was Honest

If I was honest, what would you think about me?
Would you think differently of Christianity?
Oneness and pride still occupy the throne of my life oftentimes
I wrestle with issues that are hard to release even though God calls them sin in His eyes
My heart knows they’re wrong to be dealing with, yet it’s still hard to untie and set them free
The people that surround me and who look up to me, I regret to say it, but I crave the attention they lavish me
I have an addiction to fame and adoration while involved in empty relationships
My pride reminds me that I’m number one every day again and again
Can you see that I am falling apart, or do you only see a Christian?
What if I was honest and what if I was real?
Would you still want to listen to how I feel?
If I was honest, what would you think about me?
Would you think differently of Christianity?
This body is not mine, it’s His, and everyday I’m fighting a war
My mind fantasizes images and my thoughts won’t leave me alone
I don’t pray like I should and dutifully skim the Word like it’s a simple booklet
I’ve compromised and regret the times that I purposely missed to witness to those who are broken
When I’m alone with who I am while remembering who I was, I can’t see the difference, but I pretend that I do
I can’t see the Angel’s face as I wrestle with Him again and again, but I can sense His gentleness coming through
I want to change who this person is
I want to be that new creation in 2 Corinthians
I am falling apart, but all you see is a Christian
What if I was honest and what if I was real?
Would you still listen to how I feel?
If I was honest, what would you think about me?
Would you think differently about Christianity?
I want to get back at those who try to get at me
I want to control my temper, but it’s not easy, you know?
In my heart I know it’s wrong, but it’s difficult for me to untie and let it go
I’ve made mistakes and I’m saved by His grace
He was grasped by the death’s grip, but in 3 days He rose again
Why doesn’t it feel like enough, though, why do I still feel incomplete?
Why do I feel like prisoner even though He says I’m set free?
A slave to sin and often back slidden, who am I to beg for his forgiveness?
Saved at an early age, bought with a price, but living like I don’t recognize who He is sometimes
I blame myself, I don’t blame them I accuse my wicked heart of manifesting who it really is
What should I say?
What more should I write?
Do you understand where I’m going with this or do you need some more time?
I’m a sinner that sins and a saint who’s forgiven
Inflicted by the death and pain of broken fellowship with Him
I am falling apart, but all you see is a Christian
Even though I delete my history, my past still isn’t clean
I’m looking for reality behind the impostor on a TV screen
Is there beauty inside the mess or is that simply a quote in a song?
Because I can’t afford ignorance when my grip on holiness isn’t holding on
God has to hold on to me because I already let go when I swore I would not
Maybe that’s what being a Christian is after all: realizing His strength and my weakness at the foot of the Cross
If I was honest, what would you think about me?
Would you think differently of Christianity?
Would you believe differently of who Jesus Christ says you should be?