Struggling in My Own Way

I struggle in the ways that I should come to You, Lord
Sometimes it’s hard to hear You and my heart is breaking
My chest hurts and I pray to trust You more because it’s lacking
My situations change me and seem to make me harder and more independent
My days get grayer and the pain becomes greater and things don’t seem to be getting any better
My dreams are full of pride but they don’t survive in the fiery judgement of trials
I’m not made for this, the road that I’m on is dark and dangerous
They say I’ll never do better this way but I don’t believe them
I perceive myself as royalty to society, but deep in my heart I know those are the lies of the enemy
I feel kind of tipsy on Your blessings and Your mercy is abounding so I find myself among my friends and then the next day I’m feeding the pigs
Inside I’m dying
Inside I’m crying
I wish I could say these things out loud but my heart tells me to keep it quiet
Transparency is what I need
You said that I should start on my knees
I struggle with confession, so could You help me, Lord, please
When I stand back up don’t let me fall again because I’m bound to do so
It hurts and I need to get it all out
I’ve left You behind to hold the reigns in my fragile and shaking hands
I’ve deceived myself with own convoluted and perverted ways
I’m not Your equal
Now and forever, God, You reign
You knew where to find me and You know my name
You hold another opportunity with grace that far exceeds the weight of my sin
I struggle with coming to You, God, but it’s one step at a time
You’ve created a new day, it’s a new chance to live and be alive
It’s a new chance to breathe and walk slowly this time along in Your red footsteps, asking for Your forgiveness for my lofty disobedience
Uncover my eyes to see the glory of Your ways
Your justice demands that I be condemned, but You punished Yourself instead
See my heart and change it to Your likeness
Let Your voice be all I hear and fix my eyes on the holy things that I cannot see
Spirit, breathe, and let Your wind come my way
Now and forever, God, You reign

One thought on “Struggling in My Own Way

  1. LUC M VICTOR says:

    It lines up with David’s confession when He said: My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise…

    How I miss reading your posts and your friendship, Brooke!

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